A Simple Guide: How to Love Yourself
Self-love requires a lot of courage. For some of us, learning to love yourself can be one of the hardest things you’ll ever have to do. However, dear reader, do not feel discouraged if you don’t know where to begin. I know the road already seems so long and winding, but I assure you that you are doing the most important thing for your life by embarking on this journey to achieve self-love.
Once you truly set the intention to heal yourself, the Universe will begin aligning things for you in order for this process to begin. If you are reading this right now it is for a reason. There is no better time than now to begin the process of healing through self-love.
This all requires learning, but it does not have to be confusing or hard. Today I want to share with you some very effective and powerful steps that helped me on my own self-love journey.
The acquisition of self-love is a step-by-step process, that is rewarding at every step. Before we dive in I need you to do this first:
Forget the idea that YOU MUST love yourself at any given point in time of this process. It’s okay if you don’t love yourself one month into this process, or even one year or three, four, etc. Self-love is always always always being kind to yourself.
1. Radical Acceptance
Fully embrace and acknowledge where you are right now. Accept that is okay not to be okay. Yes, even if you may feel like the worst being on this planet or even if you feel like an unfixable hot freakin’ mess.
Identify all the negative emotions you are feeling right now and acknowledge their presence in your body. The act of radical acceptance is very powerful because it initiates the process of you accepting the totality of who you are, this is true and unconditional love. Without radical acceptance we cannot know what parts of us need the most love.
We are conditioned by society to avoid experiencing our negative emotions, but we must feel even our most negative emotions to properly initiate the healing process. Don’t try to rationalize your emotional/mental pain. No past trauma should be dismissed as “not so serious” and treated as if it will just magically disappear on its own one day like a cut to your knee. Radically accept anything you feel, justified or not because if it is real to you than it is real.
2. Seek professional help
Let me ask you a question, do you pay a bill for utilities each month? Guessing that your answer is probably yes, I now challenge you to ask yourself how much are you investing in keeping the “power” on and all things operating smoothly within your own emotional and mental “house?”
You are your greatest and most precious asset. Why would you not provide it with regular “maintenance” as well?
Seeking therapy and in some cases, psychiatry, is a surefire way to keep your self-healing process consistent and ongoing. Therapy is a space for us to share our journey with a skilled individual who can listen and provide guidance from a unbiased and non-judgemental perspective. Therapists, counselors and psychiatrists have devoted much of their time to train in helping people who are struggling with emotional and mental health.
3. Educate yourself on the emotional body
We can all acknowledge we have a physical body, but what about the emotional body? Our physical bodies house all of our essential internal organs which keep us alive, but what houses our emotions?
Emotions are a very real part of the human experience.
Along my journey, I have come to learn about and accept my emotional body. This was very eye-opening for me. Learning more about our emotional body allows us to better treat our emotional wounds because we will where they are coming from. My favorite video on the emotional body can be found here. I highly recommend that you check it out!
4. Assign a time and safe space to feel your negative emotions
Feeling our negative emotions is highly cathartic. Carving out a little time during your day to allow yourself to feel them in a safe space can help you better regulate them throughout your day.
5. Create a self-care checklist
Structure and routine in our everyday life can be highly effective in improving our mental health. Also it is extremely empowering when you follow your own self-care plan because it shows how devoted you are to your growth, and all due to your own efforts! The act of committing to our self-care reflects back to us our own self-love because it shows we care and prioritize our well-being.
6. Create a proactive plan for the really bad days
Relapse is inevitable during the healing period, and totally normal. Thus it is important to prepare for when those tougher periods will dawn upon us. Have a trusted friend who will agree to checking up on you when you are having a bad day.
Maybe writing out a list of things you can do when you begin feeling bad may help as well. It is something to think about. Considering we will all have our bad days, being prepared for a “rainy day” will help you get through with a bit more ease.
7. Seek the support of trusted friends or family
One of the most destructive emotions we can experience is the feeling of isolation. Humans need other humans, it is essential to our survival. Thus having trusted people around you during your healing period is very important in helping you feeling supported through your healing period.
Also having a sense of belonging to a community or group of people may keep us morally accountable with our decisions during your healing period.
8. Be kind to yourself
Always be kind to yourself. Perhaps you will relapse back into toxic behaviors or relationships, or maybe you made a mistake you may regret later; regardless always be kind to yourself and forgive yourself. Yes, NO MATTER WHAT. It is time for you to be the best friend, supporter and cheerleader you’ve always needed. You owe it to yourself.
Sometimes, on our self-love journey, we may find ourselves beating ourselves up because we feel like we slipped up, but that is okay! Making mistakes is all a part of the self-love and healing process. They simply show us where we still need more love and a little extra TLC. Take each hurdle as an opportunity to grow and love yourself even fiercer than before.
9. Find a coach/guide to keep you accountable towards your future goals
Now that you have got down process to help you address the inner wounds you’ve been carrying from the past through therapy or counseling, it’s also a good idea to start investing in creating a better future. A life coach can help you with that.
Life coaches help people build the skills to achieve their goals and keep them accountable towards meeting them. The more you grow to love and accept yourself, the more you will find that you are worth a life of happiness and success.
As a relationship coach myself it is my passion to help people build certain skills and achieve their goals in a deeper and more authentic manner and to help them take inspired action towards meeting their goals.
A holistic approach to coaching encourages the client to tap into their own inner voice and potential, allowing them to cultivate one’s deep inner awareness so that the they can continue to rely on themselves to navigate through their life in a balanced, empowered, and self-trusting manner.
The results are empowering and life-changing.
